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We've been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered numerous obstacles, and I respect her for that. However, she has been constantly caught off guard by people. Her partner ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. A lot of close acquaintances drifted away then, as they were drawn to her husband. She was stunned by her. She made greater energy to be my friend, and must have grasped more acutely the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

In the time since, many close to her have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she had been an excellent employee, she departed unaware of why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both left the workforce leading to more each other more, however, I feel the part I play in the relationship is to listen. I open topics of conversation but she shifts them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds strong opinions. I attempt to recommend verifying facts or other angles.

She has been organizing a trip abroad I've visited repeatedly and lived in for some time. I tried to offer advice, but this was unappreciated. She essentially solely sought my agreement with her decisions. I've just returned from a month in that place she hopes to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend that walks away without explanation, however, I feel she can comprehend the effect of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

One option is to cut and run, but it is rarely the peaceful resolution we hope for. But confrontation with the goal of working things out requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step is to state how things go in your conversations. It should be as factual as possible and basically what a recording device would replay. Next is to tell her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement on this point. Your feelings are your feelings, naturally. The third step involves requesting ways you together will alter the interaction in your relationship."

Keep in mind your friend holds perspectives, thus requiring you to remain ready to acknowledge it. One effective method is to say her:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to remain silent for half an hour."

It's wildly impactful in fostering mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

She may dismiss everything, as some people hold onto a deep-seated story: they have a version about themselves they're unable to release since their identity relies on it and it's all they trust. This is difficult because there's no thoroughfare in such cases, just dead ends. Yet she could at first react defensively then consider your perspective. And should a resolution isn't found a fix, you'll have peace that you've been honest with her.