Each journalist keeps a “for emergencies” piece – the feature they plan to draft if their favourite artist dies, their favorite sports club triumphs, or the historic event they long awaited arrives. My version was fully prepared. The piece: the bush is back! A 3,000-word essay about the quiet reclamation of pubic hair in all its natural splendor, filled with hair-raising puns befitting a story of such playful rebellion.
But I must face the reality that I may never get to write this piece. The reason? Because Kim Kardashian and her underwear brand Skims have spoiled it, by launching of a faux pubic hair thong called “the Ultimate Bush”. Launched last week accompanied by a clip starring mannequins in a 70s-styled gameshow called “Is everything coordinated downstairs?”, the affordable underwear includes a triangle of hair made of artificial materials to mimic natural growth in a dozen shades and texture combos. It was snapped up in under 24 hours, sparking online to wonder: who exactly is this product for? Those who regret lasering it all off? Or folks looking for some retro merkin fun?
Now, I’m normally of the belief that most Kardashian news can be promptly disregarded; however, the truth is, dear reader, I firmly believed we were incredibly close (apologies) to a genuine full bush resurgence. There were pubes on the catwalk (see Margiela’s 2024 haute couture celebration of the merkin), and in cosmetics campaigns (the Kiehl’s campaign featuring authentic body hair). Online, there was “natural growth with swimwear” – a viral movement started by a popular clip where a woman delights at spotting exactly that – that turned into the popular saying of women posting in praise of a full thatch, or denouncing hair removal for the resulting issues, razor burns and the entire “patriarchal view” of it all. And I must give a shout-out to one user known as a social media personality, with her famed “bush aura” readings see her guess what pubic hairstyle a famous person has based on vibe – the cooler, happier, and self-sufficient the individual, the more silky and fuller the bush. Imagine confidence and charm, in pubic hair form.
Now I admit all of this were somewhat a, ahem, niche trend (listen, this wordplay have to go somewhere), but in my mind it was sure to expand. Sure, self-acceptance as a phenomenon had its problems, while Turkey teeth, Ozempic and tweakments-on-your-lunch-hour inch towards mainstream acceptance, I deeply regret the complete dismissal of the “love yourself” sentiment. Certainly, I thought, it would all become overwhelming – costly in a cost of living crisis, too much effort as leisure hours is at an abysmal low – leading to a comeback to something more natural. And why not begin than pubic hair? With the vast majority of women grooming theirs, it is among the top grooming habits today. Question that and who knows what might follow?
But instead we get the artificial bush underwear. From a positive angle, one could argue it was promoting bushes as desirable. However, examining at the thong, with its precision, trim shape and balanced design – along with how it frames an intrinsic part of women’s bodies as an accessory – it’s difficult to view it as a win. Instead, it’s just more of the same from a beauty industry that has mastered selling us back an ersatz version of our own nature for enormous profit.
When will this trend end?! Why can’t messy hair simply mean waking up and not needing to style it? Or damp hair just be forgetting to dry it? Which person champion the idea of embracing low maintenance popular once more?
Probably the one person who could move the dial is Kim Kardashian herself, a woman whose image holds such sway that, according to aesthetics expert Heather Widdows, it has absorbed global diversity in aesthetics and homogenised them. Today, there exists a single ideal worldwide: the celebrity benchmark. Indeed, should she was serious about releasing natural hair positivity on to the world, she could simply show us how it’s done and let ‘it’ grow free.
Who knows, someday Kimmy K will lead us in a new direction, letting her own body return to its original state free from shapewear, injectables and a team of stylists available. That very would be an emergency article I’d love to draft.
